It’s no secret that leading a healthy lifestyle can help you live longer. But what’s often overlooked is the importance of having healthy relationships. Studies have shown that strong social connections are just as crucial to your health as eating right and exercising regularly.

Social interactions help reduce stress, lower blood pressure, and boost immunity. They can also improve your mental health and cognitive function. So, if you want to live a long and healthy life, don’t forget to focus on your relationships.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you need to be friends with everyone you meet. But it’s essential to have a few close relationships that are supportive and meaningful. This is important because how we interact with others profoundly affects our mental and physical well-being.

Bullies

You, like me, have probably had an experience of an unhealthy or bullying relationship.

I would say most people have experienced bullying to some degree during school. And thankfully, there is now more awareness around the issues of bullying. We have moved as a society for teachers and peers to call bullying out. Rather than ignore or victim blame – which was the standard go-to approach during my school-age experience.

My first out-of-school experience of bullying was in my first workplace. When I graduated from university, there was an extreme lack of jobs for teachers (seems to swing in roundabouts), and I was very grateful for getting my first job. However, the principal ruled his staff, much like he did the children, with strict brute force. So when he balled me out in front of all my colleagues for talking when he was, I was at first surprised – was he yelling at me? The staff meeting hadn’t started; others were chatting as well. Then I felt my face burn with shame. I could barely hold it together while he yelled at me with the full force of his voice and very pointy finger. Everyone was silent and looked down at their shoes.

As soon as the meeting finished, I went straight to the toilets and burst into tears. I was embarrassed and horrified in equal measures. I wanted to go home. But I could not leave as I had a class to teach and a job to keep. Other women sought me out to tell me not to take it personally. They had had similar experiences, and apparently, he always went “harder” on young women.

I was not equipped with the strength to stand up to him. He was entirely out of line to talk to anyone like that. It also hurt that no one stood up on my behalf to call out his bad behaviour.

It was a good day when I got a new job and was able to leave.

One of my fundamental values is kindness. So, although bullying is nasty for anyone on the pointy end of the bullying stick, I have had real trouble not taking it personally. I can get stuck on the rift of “what have I done to deserve this?”

Since then, I have had other bullying experiences. My ex-husband, my father-in-law and also 2 (once) close girlfriends. Each time it has happened, the hurt is no less—however, the ability to spot the behaviour and make efforts to call it out. Then removing them from my life is much, much quicker.

Or, as I like to say now: “I am too old for that shit. You can fuck right off.”

Unfortunately, removing specific people from your life because they are bullies has collateral damage. It can be challenging to remove yourself from one person when they come with a subset of connections. This part is sad. But like the advice they give you before taking off in a plane: Secure your breathing mask before helping others.

How to spot toxic relationships

Meaningful connections are an essential part of our lives. They help us feel supported, loved, and connected to others. But conversely, unhealthy relationships can have a significant effect on our health.

It’s essential to be aware of the signs of an unhealthy relationship so we can take steps to protect our health.

When it comes to relationships, there are a lot of different things that can be considered “unhealthy.” However, here are some signs that your relationship may not be as healthy as it could be:

• You’re always walking on eggshells. You feel you have to tip-toe around this person all the time. You should be able to be yourself without feeling like you’re going to upset them.
• There’s a lot of drama. If it feels like every day is a new crisis, that’s not healthy. Relationships should be relatively drama-free.
• Disagreements are ok. Constant arguments are not. If you constantly argue or feel on edge, it might be time to reassess the situation.
• Abuse – verbal or physical, or emotional is not ok.

What I know about healthy relationships

Healthy relationships should fill you up. And it is ok to have friendships for all seasons. Some seasons are short and fun-packed, and others are long and enduring.

I still have some beautiful friends I made during my school days (that’s a long time, and weird that we were kids together, and now we are all in our 50s!). Of course, we don’t talk all the time – but I know what they are doing in their lives and when the opportunity arises, we connect.

I have some very close friends from my university days. We were wild and naughty together. We travelled together. Nursed hangovers and later held each other’s babies; now, I am friends with their adult children. And they are with mine.

I have friends from my workplaces and random connections that have just stuck when travelling through life and across continents. And I have beautiful friendships with my husband, four adult children, and extended family.

These relationships don’t happen by chance. They are a curated group of people that I chose to hang out with and take an interest in their lives.

What I know about healthy relationships:

• They stick up for you. For example, if I were in a space where someone was balling me out that was uncalled for, they would have my back.
• They celebrate your wins like their own.
• They are there for the shitty times. And bring champagne. Or make tea. Or bring a meal. And do the dishes before they leave.
• They are comfortable calling you out when needed and reminding you that you’re a good egg most of the time. (AKA – they deliver home truths with love).

Health is not just about eating well and exercising.

I spend a lot of time reading, writing, and discussing health. And recently I went to a wedding of a dear friend. Unfortunately, the wedding, like many, had been postponed due to the pandemic. This meant that for me, and I am guessing most of the guests – this was the first wedding in a loooonnnnggg time.

Weddings, especially small weddings, are pretty special events. You know that you have been specially picked by someone you love to be there – so chances are that everyone around you, who you may or may not know, is pretty special too. So I found myself smiling and being delighted by the joy of the occasion and the joy of the other people around me being equally delighted.

I left with my cup full of love and gratitude for good healthy relationships.

Check out the reel I made about it here.

So, remember: Your healthy is equally dependent on healthy relationships with people as on food and exercise. And life is far too short to be putting up with shit that does not serve you.

One small change.

Do you need to re-evaluate your relationships and make changes? Removing a toxic person/s from your life will be difficult in the short term. But pay dividends in your long-term health and well-being, build your resilience, and give you the ability to identify shitty relationships quicker.

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A pelvic health physiotherapist is the starting point to work out any issues you may be experiencing. These might be new or changing experiences due to having children, hitting menopause, or even changing your exercise routine. Bypass the Instagram doctors and get the right info from the right people.

I have been talking, writing, and teaching about vaginas for over a decade. This has included the fitness industry, clients, my friends, family, and anyone who watches my Instagram reels and TikToks!

My openness around this subject means that people feel very comfortable reaching out to me and asking me hairy and/or personal questions. Of this, I am grateful. Because I know that shame and secrecy are 2 significant hurdles to getting the right help and support.

The questions I get all vary in nature, but are mostly personal and about changes that have them concerned. However, my answer always starts the same way:

First thing – you need to see a pelvic health physiotherapist to find out what is causing this issue before we look at solutions.

What is the difference between a women’s health physiotherapist and a pelvic health physiotherapist?

Firstly, it is crucial to understand the differences between regular physiotherapists and pelvic health physiotherapists.

A pelvic health physiotherapist has a specialised postgraduate qualification in this area. If your issues concern anything to do with your pelvic area, like:

• continence issues (both fecal or urinary) or just not feeling like you are fulling emptying your bladder or bowel
• pelvic pain (in general, or painful sex or when trying to insert fingers or tampons into the vagina)
• ongoing urinary tract infections
• prolapse
• unsure how to contract your pelvic floor
• lower back pain
• diastasis (the splitting of the abdominal muscles)
• any other concerns (and this might include mastitis)

Originally physiotherapists who undertook these extra studies were referred to as women’s health physiotherapists because women were the majority of their clients. However, as men have pelvic floor muscles, they are also susceptible to issues. For example, regaining continence after prostate cancer or surgery. But there is also a growing number of young men who can push themselves to rectal prolapse – from pushing too hard. This can be a result of inappropriate lifting at the gym or constipation.

Therefore the more inclusive term is pelvic health physiotherapist.

You can find a pelvic health physiotherapist near you by using this website.

How can a pelvic health physiotherapist help me?

A pelvic health physio is a person who can help diagnose any concerns you have. Unfortunately, your GP does not have these specialised skills and rarely will include actual questions about your pelvic health or toileting habits at checkups.

Getting the right diagnosis is key to unlocking your solutions.

More pelvic floor exercises do not always mean a strong pelvic floor.

Here is Mary’s story.

Mary notices that she is starting to leak while running or doing high-intensity work at the gym. She fully understands that her pelvic floor is responsible for her continence, so Mary steps up her pelvic floor contractions. Several times a day, she squeezes her pelvic floor tight and sees how long she can contract it.

However, now Mary is leaking not only during those high-intensity workouts but during her daily walk. Even Mary can see that her increased pelvic floor contractions are making her problems worse, not better.

Because Mary has not had a proper diagnosis, she is unaware that her pelvic floor is not relaxing completely. And clamping on her pelvic floor and keeping it on; does not necessarily mean it is getting stronger. But the muscles may be experiencing fatigue from overuse and not be able to contract in the responsive way that the pelvic floor is designed.

Mary goes to the pelvic health physio and receives the correct diagnosis. She has been prescribed a pelvic floor training regime that includes “down training” (learning how to relax her pelvic floor fully). After a few short weeks, Mary notices that her pelvic floor is working, and she can now enjoy her runs, wee-free!

Core includes pelvic floor.

This is Sarah’s story.

Sarah is a 34-year-old lawyer. Sarah has not had any children and takes her health and well-being seriously. She recently started pilates to focus on her core, as she has some lower back niggles from long hours sitting at work. However, since beginning pilates, Sarah now finds she cannot hold off going to the toilet when she needs to go. So now when she has gotta go – she’s gotta go! This is playing havoc with her work and the need to be present at long meetings.

Sarah goes to see a pelvic health physiotherapist because her inability to control herself impacts her work and even her ability to sit through a full-feature film!

The pelvic health physiotherapist can diagnose that when Sarah hears the word “core” while at pilates, she is isolating and contracting her deep core muscles – her transverse abdominus, her internal and external obliques, and her rectus abdominals. However, she is not contracting her pelvic floor. These muscles work together as a team. A sealed unit that manages her intra-abdominal pressure. When one of the team players is not doing their bit, there will be dysfunction.

In Sarah’s case, all the downward pressure on her pelvic floor was causing stress. Her pelvic floor was letting her know it needed to be included as part of her core training!

The pelvic health physiotherapist, with the use of ultrasound, showed Sarah the difference between contracting her core with her pelvic floor.

If you want to see an example of why and how pelvic health physiotherapists use real-time ultrasound – CLICK HERE.

However, not all pelvic health physiotherapists are created equal.

Tune into my next blog which will give you tips on finding the best pelvic health physio for you!

Just click on the image below!

Don’t discount the daily walk

A daily walk provides enormous health benefits – but can be overlooked in the rush to start ambitious exercise regimes. No one has ever finished a walk and said, “Well that was a waste of time!” Following on our series of one small change – read on to find out how you can incorporate a walk into your routine.

Just start with walking to the gym instead

An elderly relative of mine has a number of health issues, with diabetes being the most concerning. She is largely inactive and very overweight and both of these factors are compounding over time. She also fully understands that she can reverse all of the negative effects if she started an exercise program.

After yet another consultation with her GP, she concluded that she was going to join the gym.

Her doctor looked at her and said “Hold the gym membership. Start with just walking to the gym instead.”

Undoubtedly an appropriately prescribed exercise program would provide enormous health benefits for her. However, often grand gestures of throwing oneself into a gym program can be short-lived. A new program or even a modified program can bring discomfort, right through to pain that can impact the desire to return.

And in my experience, it takes an enormous amount of willpower, support from family and disposable income to commit to a gym program when you have decades of inactivity under your belt.

Now my elderly relative may be an extreme example to you. However, I often see the same attitude in different settings. For example: Why walk, when the benefits of running are so much more?

The humble walk has become passé in our instagramable culture of fitness. But I am here to tell you that this is an activity that should not be overlooked. And if you are a runner – keep running. If this activity brings you joy – then this is your activity.

I am not a runner.

I have tried to be a runner several times in my life. I really wanted to identify as a runner and enjoy the benefits of running can bring – burning extra calories and the ultimate… the elusive running high. But no matter how many times I have committed, running has never brought me joy. Even with a double bra, my breasts are like unwanted guests on the ride and I don’t like the heavy impact of my body as it hits the pavement.

And that is ok. I have discovered other activities that activate the cardiovascular system that does bring me joy (read this blog to learn more). Activities where I am not focused on being a runner – but am running to get a ball or get my heart rate up on my bike.

But I do love a walk.

And particularly a walk in nature. Even when I am in the city, I find the river or the park for my walk destination. Or some of my best walking routes traverse all the beautiful front gardens in my neighbourhood. It is my favourite kind of catch-up date with friends – both local and from afar. But equally, I am very happy to walk on my own. I am very happy to be alone with my own thoughts, however more often I listen to a book or a podcast. Audible is one of my favourite apps and I have daily podcasts that when they land, I just can’t wait to get my trainers on and head out to listen to them. Much like Pavlov’s dogs, there is now a physical response to an audible trigger.

Track or not to track your steps

If you are a competitive person or like to track your activity – sure 10,000 steps is a great daily goal. Especially if this is a motivator for you. But remember, the concept of 10,000 steps per day came from a Japanese company that built a campaign to launch their step-tracker off the momentum of the 1964 Tokyo Olympics. Recent research has shown that 7,000 could be optimal (as there are not many more health benefits between 7,000 and 10,000 steps). And this research, published in 2019 – specifically for older women (mean age of 72) – put the number down to just 4,000 steps per day.

Regardless of the number of steps, the humble walk delivers many benefits. It is mostly free (investing in some good walking shoes is important), needs no equipment and can be squeezed into any timetable. All these factors mean that it is easy to form a habit of walking. And remember it is not any one walk that will give you benefit – it is the compounding interest of a daily/several times per week – where you reap the rewards.

And as I say to my husband, when he is complaining about how stressed he is feeling: No one ever got back from a walk and said – “Well, that was a waste of time.”

Going for a walk just makes you feel good. I think it is a combination of movement, fresh air and changing visual environment that can put your worries away or in perspective.

So perhaps if you are reading this and find yourself in an activity slump and are thinking you should reactivate your gym membership (or just use it because you are paying for it anyway) for a big change in your life… why not just start with getting some fresh air and discovering your neighbourhood.

Or if you are already in a committed exercise routine, perhaps you can add walking into your timetable. And give it the recognition it deserves as an activity.

And if you are already walking regularly – check out my latest REEL on my best 3 tips on how you can add a bit of spice and variation.

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This would have to be one of the questions I get asked the most. Especially from women who are at the changeover times of their lives – like:

• Pregnancy
• Postnatal
• Perimenopause
• Postmenopause

Or they may just have read something about the menstrual cycle and want to explore options that align. Or check that they are doing the “right” exercise for the different phases of their menstrual cycle.

We will be exploring each of these in depth. But first, we need to backtrack to get you started. So my answer is always the same – what movement brings you joy?

You will see that I have swapped out the word exercise with movement/activity and that is deliberate. Many people, myself included, have negative associations with the word exercise. I was the kid that hated sports at school. I much preferred reading, writing, playing imaginary games, and climbing on the jungle gym. I always came last in running races and was always the last choice for team captains.

And I know I am not alone in this experience. If more people had joy associated with activity – we would not be experiencing the shocking statistics of inactivity in Australia and worldwide.

Step number 1 needs to be about getting started. And if you have already started and have an active routine – keep reading! Because this will be your opportunity to analyze why you do what you do, and how you can add in or change it up.

What movement brings you joy?

Any movement option that you choose, is always going to be a win.

However, if there is no joy, it can be very difficult to maintain participation – even with the very best intentions.

If we rely solely on motivation to start and maintain an exercise routine, we are I’m sorry to say – doomed to fail. Instead, we must look for an activity that we enjoy. There have to be moments while we are participating in the activity where we can declare to ourselves that this is fun, or it just feels good.

And let’s be real, if you have been inactive for a while (weeks, years, or decades) it can be bloody hard to see/find/feel joy. Most of us have anxiety about starting or returning to exercise.

These anxieties can include:

• Past memories of pain from exercise
• Old injuries
• The fear of new injuries
• The fear of looking silly or not fitting in
• Changed health conditions
• Intimidated by all the “fit” people
• Concern that you will not be listened to

Here is a list of strategies to help you find (or rediscover) a movement activity that brings you joy.

Strategy 1: What have you enjoyed in the past?

A good place to start is to remember what you have enjoyed in the past. Perhaps it was a sport, rollerskating, or aerobics. Check google to see if there is something like this in your hood. Many sports options have variations that are not competitive (if competition is not your gig, or you fear injuries or the team time commitment).

I enjoyed playing tennis as a kid and rediscovered cardio-tennis in my late 40s. I have been playing once or twice per week since then. To my amazement, my tennis is actually improving. But it is not why I do it.

I play cardio- tennis because I love seeing the sky, clouds, and trees by the court. I love the ladies and coaches that I see. We hang shit on each other and all there to have run around and a laugh.

Want to give cardio tennis a go? Check out this website to find a place near you.

My next goal is to buy some rollerskates. Am I scared? I am scared shitless. But watch this space.

Strategy 2: Ask friends what movement/activity they are doing with joy.

Another good strategy is asking friends what they are enjoying. This strategy has the added benefit of when participating in any activity with a friend – this will increase your chances of showing up and committing.

Finishing your friend movement activity with a coffee and cake is not spoiling your workout. It is enhancing it. Social interaction is key to motivation and improving mental well-being.

Strategy 3: Get your family involved.

One of the key reasons that the wheels fall off the bus for many women, is that they shoulder the bulk of the mental load on the home front. To make sure this isn’t you – tell your family your plans. They can support you with your new habit by stepping up with one small change on their behalf. And they may also help keep you accountable to your commitment.

Organisation is key to commitment.

Strategy 4: Try new things in sync with your menstrual cycle

This is quite a big topic, that I will circle back to. But if you are still menstruating, see if you can time your new activity around the ovulation phase of your cycle. Not sure when that is? Easy – just aim for around 10 days after your bleed is finished. The next week – 10 days is your golden time for trying new things… and enjoying them. If you already have a gym membership – why not check out the timetable and book something new during your “goddess superpower” time?

Harness your menstrual superpower.

Strategy 5: Incidental exercise with purpose

Exercise snacks are good because they add up and are easily implemented as small changes to what you already do. Some examples may include:

• Allowing time to walk or bike to the store
• Get off public transport 1 stop before and walk
• Take the stairs instead of the lift
• Squeeze your glutes (butt muscles) and exhale every time you get up out of the chair and avoid using your arms to help you get up
• Twist and stretch in your morning shower. Your body loves to oil up before it goes and there is no better way than under running warm water. Make sure you turn your head and eyes as well.

I am sure you can think of or have heard of many more. But here is the key. While you are adding this new incidental exercise, you need to give yourself a mental high five. Take a moment to acknowledge to yourself that you are choosing this over that and you are doing so to improve your incidental exercise.

Let that feel-good feeling wash over you. This is how you embed a new routine.

What will be your 1 small change?

Now it is your turn.

All of these activities mentioned above will give limited returns as a one-off. However, all movement activity shows returns, with compounding interest, if incorporated daily.

Go on. Have a quick scan above on what you have read. Choose one. Write it down. Text it to a friend, do a google search, and check your diary.

If you want more support with your exercise routine – why not check out EVEolution™ – this is my signature online course that supports all women to move more.

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Did you know that your body has its own internal clock? This clock is called the circadian rhythm and it is your sleep-wake pattern over the course of 24 hours. Your circadian rhythm helps control your daily schedule for sleep and wakefulness. The brain receives messages from your environment, particularly light and activates certain hormones. It is these hormones that control your temperature, regulate your metabolism, help you fall asleep and importantly, stay asleep.

Working with your circadian clock can help regulate many different aspects of your health and wellness including:

• sleep
• appetite
• body temperature
• alertness
• daily performance (we are all a bit rubbish when we are tired)
• blood pressure, and
• reaction times

The issue of not getting enough sleep

Not getting enough sleep, or enough quality sleep impacts directly our appetite. Have you noticed that after a shocking night’s sleep, you crave fatty or carbohydrate-rich foods to get you through the day? This is not by coincidence. There have been numerous studies, like this one that shows growth hormone (that helps heal us after a workout), melatonin (this baby gets us to sleep), cortisol (needed to make muscle and wakes us up) leptin (helps your body maintain your normal weight) and ghrelin (your hunger hormone) are influenced with sleep and circadian rhythms.

It is easy to label hormones as “good” or “bad”. For example, cortisol is bad, and ghrelin is good. But in truth, we need all these vital hormones. But at the right levels. It is the goldilocks’ effect – too much or too little is not good. And to get it just right, we need to pay attention to maximising our natural circadian rhythms.

Circadian rhythms love routine

Working with our circadian rhythms, rather than against them, can ensure that we have better sleep and function more efficiently during the day. Circadian rhythms love routine, so try to wake up and go to bed at the same time each night, even on the weekends. With a little tweaking, you can make sure you get your morning light and modify your evening light to further ensure better sleep.

Give a bit of thought to light

The cells in your brain respond to light and dark to make us alert or sleepy. We are literally programmed to wake up when it is light and go to sleep when it gets dark. It is when we fight the programming of our natural circadian rhythm that can cause us to put on extra weight, feel sluggish and make those other peri-menopause symptoms more profound.

Kick-starting your circadian rhythm literally begins with opening the curtains at the beginning of the day and getting that morning light into your eyes. And similarly, make sure your bedroom is as dark as can be to get you off to sleep.

If you go for a morning walk (when the sun is not blinding) – try not to put your sunglasses on. Notice just how energised you feel after doing this, especially if you pop your sunnies on out of habit.

Our computer screens, smartphones, LED lights, TVs and the light inside our fridge produce high levels of blue light. Just think about how you feel when you even think of the light a candle or fire gives off, as opposed to our general household lights.

Finding ways to minimise this blue light in the evening can include:

• Turn off overhead lights after dinner and turn on soft wattage lamps, or candles
• Change your bedside light bulbs to ones that do not emit blue light
• Change the settings on your phone to night shift
• Avoid reading your devices in bed

Circadian rhythms are an important part of our lives and can have a big impact on our health. By understanding how they work, we can use them to our advantage.

Getting enough sleep is important to your health – start with making these small changes that can then become part of your routine. I call this the low-hanging fruit of working with our circadian rhythms.

However, if you are still having trouble sleeping, please talk to your doctor.

If you’re interested in learning more about EVEolution™ CLICK HERE.

If you’re a fitness professional or any other service provider for women and want to become an EVEolution™ partner CLICK HERE.

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I will never forget the day I first heard the term prolapse. I was both a postnatal mum of two babies (delivered in 2 different countries, using 2 different health services) and a fitness professional. Forging a career and small business working with mums. When the basic details were shared with me, I was horrified by both the condition and the fact that I had no idea that this could even happen.

My learning curve was steep.

Exercise is and always will be a magic pill

For many women, their experience is similar. They learn the true meaning of prolapse upon the diagnosis being given to them. Prolapse literally means to fall out of place. But how do you move and function with everyday activities when you fear your uterus or your bladder, or bowel is going to fall out?

For many, they don’t. They stop doing the activities that once brought them joy. Whether this is running, going to the gym, or playing sports. Their daily thoughts are overwhelmed by weighing up what their pelvic floor can, and cannot handle. Mental well-being and physical activity are so tightly linked. Regular exercise can be the ladder out of dark places. So, removing this ladder has massive repercussions.

Many women with pelvic organ prolapse are also diagnosed with depression or anxiety as they carefully navigate their new world. And for a condition that affects around 50% of women who have had children, you would think prolapse would be better known. And better understood. But alas, because it has to do with our private parts or even bursting the bubble of what a perfectly natural birth can be – prolapse is still largely discussed in hush tones.

But is it possible that a condition, just as life-changing as pelvic organ prolapse, can also bring benefits?

If very challenging experience gives us the gifts of growth and understanding? Then what can pelvic organ prolapse teach us? How do we remain active with the threat and fear of losing our internal organs?

To answer these questions, I asked 3 women who have lived through grief, the shame and the challenges of experiencing pelvic organ prolapse. And although there is no magic answer to prolapse, there is magic in their wisdom that they share with me.

Kylianne Turton

Kylianne is a dear friend, whom I have written about before here. Kylianne is a fitness professional, turned adventurer and runs her own business, Move For Mental Health in Western Australia. And every time I look at this image below, I cannot help but smile right back at it.

Kylianne told me this:

“When initially diagnosed with prolapse I spiralled pretty hard and fast mentally, my new normal had begun and I didn’t quite know where to begin. Mainly because exercise provided me with a way to cope with my mental illness and secondly because it was my career to move and help other people move to feel better.

Fast forward eight years still living with three prolapsed organs, the experience provided me with a personal and professional learning journey that I may have not leaned into otherwise.

Prolapse taught me the power of the workaround, being adaptable with the ability to bend around the things that don’t go to plan. It taught me the value of seeking help and allowing myself to be supported. It taught me the value of really listening to my body and how the suppression of emotions is not an effective way to overcome challenges.

Prolapse has taught me that having positive mental health was reliant on having many strategies to boost and protect well-being not just exercise. My prolapse showed me my inner resources, strengths and what I could achieve when I had a real mission and purpose.

It’s not about the things that happen to us. It’s about how we choose to respond.”

Don’t you just love her? I know I do. Kylianne is doing amazing things and I am just so proud of her.

If you are not following her on socials – get on it here. I love watching Kylianne’s outdoor adventures and I know you will too.

Amy Dawes

Then I reached out to another dear friend of mine – Amy Dawes. If you have not read how we met, don’t forget to circle back to read this blog – Almond Croissants and Birth Truama here. The story of our meeting is very endearing.

I have heard Amy speak about her birth trauma many times, at many events. And her experience never fails to move me. Amy used this experience to establish the Australasian Birth Trauma Association. ABTA provides peer-to-peer support for those experiencing and understanding birth trauma, research, advocacy and education for health professionals and obstetric care providers.

Here is what Amy told me about the gifts of prolapse.

“Prolapse has taught me to fully listen to my body. For example, I know my symptoms are often worse in the lead-up to my period. I know that if I do an intense workout in the morning, then I need to be kinder to my pelvic floor in the afternoon.

I now train, not with fear. But with intention.”

I literally cannot put in words how proud I am of Amy and what she has achieved. I do feel incredibly privileged to count her as a dear friend.

The journey to return to or to start exercise can be fearful with prolapse. But it does not signal the end. As Kylianne mentioned above – there is the power of workarounds.

Stephanie Thompson

To explore this further I reached out to Stephanie Thompson. Stephanie is an author of The Day My Vagina Broke, a podcaster and a thriver of prolapse. Stephanie’s bravery in sharing her story and breaking down the stigma of prolapse has helped many women. And I highly recommend reading her book (I did so via audible and both laughed and cried) and checking out the wealth of knowledge in her podcast (I have purposefully linked to the one where she interviewed me… but there are plenty of great ones!).

Recently, Stephanie was on the brilliant ABC show – You can’t ask that. Check it out here.

Here is what Stephanie has to say about living with prolapse.

“When you’ve lived with significant pelvic organ prolapse for almost 7 years and during that time you’ve seen very little medical advances or research in this pelvic health space, it can be easy to become frustrated.

Like many women living with prolapse, I’ve been seen by many doctors and physiotherapists, listened to podcasts, read medical journals and participated in online forums. 

It is probably in these online forums where I’ve learned the most from other women who have really lived experience with prolapse. Along the way I’ve tried and tested ways to live with my prolapses, knowing there are no current pessaries (that stay in) or repair surgeries for me right now. 

Of course, there was a process to grief, acceptance and then the motivation to continue living the most fulfilling life I could with what I had. I started to think outside the box and be creative in my approach to managing daily tasks. 

For example, if there was something I can no longer do like standing in the shower at night and washing my hair (because of the downward pressure after the day) I use a plastic chair in the shower to sit. This simple $10 chair from the hardware shop was the start of collating all the tips and tricks I’ve picked up along my POP journey. I like to call them ‘workarounds’.

Stephanie has gone one step further and carefully crafted her top tips and workarounds into an invaluable e-book that you can find here.

As an educator, I have for the last 15 years, been sharing information on and around prolapse. Ideally, as fitness professionals, we want to train women so that they enjoy exercise. So muscles grow and bones remain strong. Honestly, if exercise was a pill, it would be a magic pill. As appropriately prescribed exercise is the best common denominator to improve or avoid all chronic conditions.

I also know that fear can stop both women from returning to exercise and for fitness professionals to ask the necessary questions to support women who have pelvic organ prolapse.

Replacing fear with understanding and empathy

For both groups: You won’t always get it right. There will be some days that you will push too hard and feel like you have taken a step backwards. There will be other days when the world is your exercise oyster… and then a whole lot of days in between that are all about showing up, doing what you can and reaping the benefit and joy that regular movement gives you.

June is pelvic organ prolapse month and I wrote a series of articles about POP (see below). I also delivered free training for fitness professionals to upskill them when working with women who have pelvic organ prolapse. Check out this Masterclass created for Fit Pro’s and fitness enthusiasts!

July is all about birth trauma awareness… watch this space!

Awareness will always be the biggest antidote to fear.

If you’re interested in learning more about EVEolution™ CLICK HERE.

If you’re a fitness professional or any other service provider for women and want to become an EVEolution™ partner CLICK HERE.

I am 52 years old and every time I get my period I wonder if it is my last one.

The average age for women to complete the menopause transition is around 51. And to be clear – that means that you have had exactly 12 months free of your period before you can claim the menopause status.

So, I know that my time is drawing close. Each monthly bleed could be my last.

When I was younger and thought about my impending menopause, I imagined that my menstrual bleed would get lighter each month, slow to fine trickle that my worn period undies would easily be able to cope with. And then my monthly bleed would gently disappear. (I have even refrained from updating and investing in new period undies because surely this will be the last month!!)

No one told me that the opposite would happen!

For the past 5 years or so (and I now know a sure sign of perimenopause) my period has become extremely heavy. You know, the kind of heavy that you had as a teenager. Where you would have a tampon that you change between every class and a bulky pad and still manage to stain the back of your school uniform skirt.

Or as I tell my husband: “OMG! Someone just butchered a pig in my undies!”

And I am back to handwashing the bloodstains out of my fine linen sheets.

It is like my uterus heard from my mind about a quiet retreat into the night and retorted – Not likely… this is my last hurrah, and I am going NOWHERE quietly! And the period pain has not gone away either. Every 3^rd to 4^th month I am so crippled with pain that straightening my body for more than a few minutes is just not possible.

Now when I tell my work colleagues that I am not able to function at my usual level due to my period. I feel reminded a little about telling the same thing to my Physical Education teacher as a teenager. Surely, they are thinking “Yeah right… you’re too old to pull that one.” When I was a teenager I hated school PE so much that I did use that same excuse not only to get out of the activity but to see the male teacher flummox because finally, I had the upper hand in something.

It’s the same pain that put me in the hospital twice as a teenager with vomiting and cramps that disappeared magically when the blood arrived. The same pain that the Drs said going on the pill would fix. It improved it but never fixed it. The same pain that I was told would go away when I had children. I had 2 children and it did not.

In fact, when I experienced birth contractions, I had a pain measure to compare my monthly cramps. Not only can my period cramps match that of birthing contractions, but you don’t get a gap between them to take a breath. I may run out of sanitary items, but I am never without Naprogesic.

The same pain that I now realise is probably not normal, and more than likely endometriosis-related. And like millions of other women, I have not had my pain taken seriously enough nor medical follow up to find out exactly why I was having so much pain with my periods.

However, now it hardly seems worth the effort to investigate.

Because surely this is the last or one of the last, bleeds that I will have to endure?

So, although I am sitting on a wee (meaning small) office seat cover because I ruined more than one office chair with my menstrual blood, I do feel a little sad to say goodbye to my period.

And it is not about getting older. Perimenopause is the dance that you do before you are ushered into (hopefully) the next 30 years of your life. Perhaps all the horrible side effects of menopause are there just to help welcome that transition. Regardless, perimenopause is a time to take stock of your life and do some hard thinking about how you want to age. It is the gateway to the next life of you.

And it is not about losing my fertility. I have already mourned that when I had myself sterilised in my mid 30’s. Though I can appreciate that for some women, particularly those who transition early, losing this birthright, could be considerably confronting. I do love trying to get pregnant, without the angst of suspecting that I could be.

I feel sad because only recently have I truly come to appreciate the power of my menstrual cycle.

Over the last few years, I have created online courses and education for fitness professionals on how to work with clients in alignment with their menstrual cycle. And even more recently have created EVEolution™ – the missing education for all women – on how to stay active, no matter what age or stage they are at. I have read a lot of books and research papers and have ultimately become more in tune with my own cycle.

Yes, taking it easy because your body is screaming, I just can’t stand up and concentrate, let alone work out at the gym, is a given. And so is finding a fitness professional who understands this also. And unlike my PE teacher in the 80’s, someone who can engage in unashamed conversation and provide appropriate information, regardless of their gender or menstrual experience.

Yes, there is a lot that can be learned about how to exercise with your period to minimise injury (just ask all those AFLW players who are doing ACL’s every season!) and maximise your strengthening and cardiovascular potential. And spoiler alert: It is not rocket science… but simply women cannot be trained as small men and be expected to have the same results.

But what I will miss, is the secret power that I have tapped into. The appreciation that once the pain subsides (with the help of drugs for me) and the blood flows, so does my creativity. I love writing. I love thinking about what I am going to write about. I love being in the flow (pardon the pun) and I can write my blogs, articles and all manner of content easily. I can problem solve in all parts of my life and figure out solutions for problems big and small. Often this creative flow is magnified when it includes gentle exercise. My favourite bike ride, swim, yoga, or a walk.

Once my bleed is complete, I also know that I will be back to my power woman status. The I GET SHIT DONE MISH. Most people think that this is me all of the time. It is not. I just make hay when the sun shines.

But right now, as I write this, I am thinking about the blessing of my monthly bleed. I feel slightly saddened that I did not know this stuff and make the most of my period earlier in life. And I also feel curious about the future when I am period free. Will I still have this cycle of creativity and activity?

Watch this space.

If you want to know more about how to work in alignment with your menstrual cycle – check out EVEolution™.  There is a whole module dedicated to this topic.

If you are a fitness professional or even a fitness enthusiast and want to watch a 1-hour MASTERCLASS on working out with your cycle – then check this out HERE.

Either way… I would love to know how you feel about leaving your monthly menstrual cycle behind.

Hit reply and let me know!

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